On homesickness, and feeling lazy

Happy hump day y'all!

It's kind of hard to be happy today, since as we all know, Robin Williams has passed away. I have many words to say about how the internet/the media has reacted to this tragedy, but I'll try and keep it fairly succinct: News outlets - stop being terrible people by releasing the coroners description of the scene. It isn't relevant, and it's a horrific thing to do to the family.  Twitter troll(s) who tweeted fake images of Robin Williams' body to his daughter - There are no words for people as intentionally mean and unfeeling as you. However, in the spirit of fostering a discussion of mental health, you should seek counselling. This is not normal behavior for someone with a healthy outlook on life, and other peoples' well-being. Lastly - to people calling Williams 'selfish', 'cowardly' or some other similar adjective - please don't say this. It begins the nasty spiral of victim blaming, which is directly tied to the stigma of being a person with depression. It's hard enough muster up the energy and motivation to go seek professional help for a mental illness, without the additional 'stigma cloud' hovering overhead. A person can love their family and friends deeply, but still feel that their lives are not worth living anymore. To recognize that a person still feels so desperate to escape their constant inner battle, despite having so much love in their life, is to realize how incredibly devastating depression is.  That's about all I will say on that, because much of this has already been said other places in much more eloquent ways.

Who knew Canada could look so good?
On another note, I just got back from my hometown of Vancouver, BC. It's where I was born and raised, and despite it's flaws (ahem, cost of living...) I still miss it dearly.  I had a very hard time after moving away last year, mostly because it felt like I had just arrived back from university out east.  Just when I was getting used to being near my family and friends, I had to leave again. It's been a hard year adjusting to a new city, and in many ways I fear I won't ever feel at home here. I have enjoyed a lot of my time while living here but I still don't feel at home. I blame the ocean. Seriously. If you've been born and raised by the sea, living away from it induces mild claustrophobia. It sparks a feeling of wilderness inside you, and reminds you that there is a whole big world out there...if that makes sense. Plus the air just feels fresher.  I miss the natural beauty of my hometown (no one can argue with me that Toronto is a good-looking city).

Vacation ceasars in a boot! Omnomnom
Anyway, needless to say, visiting home made me homesick once more.  So lately I've been feeling kind of down. Getting back into training has definitely helped, as it lets me clear my head a bit. I tend to over-think EVERYTHING because I am quite an anxious person, so the hour or so spent not thinking about much is really quite lovely. Since the race, I have admittedly slacked off a bit in the training department. There isn't really much excuse at all, other than laziness. I need to get my butt in gear if I'm going to meet my goal.  Speaking of 'my goal', I haven't said what it is yet! I'll say it out loud so I actually have to commit at some point:

I want to complete A HALF IRONMAN (or IRON DISTANCE) RACE!

I did run once or twice at least! Sea side runs are the best
Whoooo! Whether this takes the form of Ironman Muskoka 70.3 or some other race, I will do it. This is why I'm getting all up in my own grill about not training - training for the 70.3 should start now! I have started to see a physio guy about my hip/glute situation, and have been working on it.  I have a whole slew of stretches and exercises to do, in addition to the occasional visit to endure the excruciating pain of active release therapy.  It's that thing where they dig their thumb into your hip/glute/whatever, while asking you to mobilize your leg in a way that allows the practitioner to 'release' the muscles and tendons in there. Let me tell you, I have a pretty high threshold for pain, and this had me sweating and almost in tears. It was BRUTAL. But I have to say, it seems to be working. I am noticing that maintaining proper running form has become easier now, and stretching my piriformis isn't impossible. So maybe with this continued treatment and effort on my part, the half-marathon part won't totally destroy my hopes of becoming a half-ironperson.

Last but not least! I am a reader of this blog, written by Meredith Atwood.  She knows her stuff, and has a lot of wise things to say about approaching triathlon (even the scary distances!) as an everywoman. Even though I am not a mom, I find a lot of her points resonate with me. So when there was an opportunity to become a Swim Bike Mom ambassador, I applied! We'll see how it pans out. Either way, I'm glad I tried, and honestly, answering questions like 'How has triathlon changed you life?' was a great exercise in self-reflection from beginning training. It helped me really look at what I'm getting out of trying a new sport, and how sports have positively affected my mental health. If you have a chance, you should read her blog!

Anyway, this was quite an essay. That's what I get for not adhering to the blog like I should have. But at least I got the words in now!

 Here's looking to a happy rest of the week.


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